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0 Adorable | Saturday, January 29, 2011 11:25 PM

Isnt it bad enuff dhat never once had you sided me whether i was right or wrong?

arguments wif my gran,

getting scolded by teachers,

mean salespeople and wadever, etc.

I would tell you my problems, and you would juz BRUSH EM ASIDE,

saying dhat diz was how the world is,

telling me to GET USED TO IT.

Idk, i think you find me irritating.

Isnt it bad enuff dhat i dont have the guidance of a daddy?

yet you critisize him everytime he calls or someone mentions him,

8 years and u juz would not forgive and forget,

telling me how horrible a person he is.

how sad dhat makes me.

I thought i could groow up normally wif juz one parent, but look at me now.

Am i normal?

Isnt it bad enuff dhat I was a MISTAKE, never meant to be here?

My brother too.

UNWANTED.

dhats how i felt when you told me.

you assured me, yet i still felt the same way.

Like you were being forced to bear the responsibilty of us both.

I wouldnt tell him tho, his personality is bad enuff, i dont want him to feel even worse.

And then maybe we wont even be able to barely hold on to him.

Yet you have to tell me you dont like my attitude.

my nice true one, when i speak ALL my thoughts.

I dont hide anything, i bare my soul and you juz had to slap me across the face like dhat.

Im not like dhat outside you noe, i get quite reserved, awkward at times, and when i feel comfortable(which is hardly nowadays), i get bubbly.

so you're telling me to be...what did you say exactly?

i cant remember.

something along the lines of hiding a bit of myself.

i block out the world enuff when im outside.

now you dont want me to be myself at home.

whatthehell do you want me to do?

And i noe you dont like me taking art.

Its stealing tym away from all e other subjects,

taking up too much money,

and obviously being a bitch,

taking up my sleep.

my food-ing tym.

my free tym.

my revision tym.

Of course, i wish dere wasnt any problems like dhat.

But what could i do now?

except to face em.

I cant live without art, whether how bitchy it can get.

Its a fact.

if tym would reverse, i would ve joined art club, and taken lit.

den i could have BOTH in my life.

how wonderful.

but duh, you could never turn back time.

Until now, you still CANT, or WONT try to understand me.

I've given you chances, I've told you stuff dhat i dont tell others.

but still, you dont rmb my birthdae,

sided my granma when she scolded me upside down

for ripping and spray-painting my jeans,

juz cuz peeps would see me as a gangster.

stereotyping yeah?

dere other ways to wear a pair of ripped jeans.

its not like im gonna wear it, get tatoos,

or buy a damn bike and try to act likea gangster.

for pete's sake.

And the london bitch incident?

i told u my fren waz askin me whther idk what relaing to o levels.

and u accused my fren of being a busybody and talkative,

and saying i was what?

in the fault for entertaining her?

WTF.

and now u want me to shut my mouth for the whole of hurs of lessons.

are u crazy or juz plain weird?

oh well.

Dont get me wrong, i think you're an awesome parent,

considering you could raise both of us on your own,

still continue when you got conned so many times alr.

YOU'RE STRONG.

maybe, you feel the same way as i do.

I feel, im shutting the world out even more.

Its getting to me, dose badbad feelings dhat nobody likes.

I think, im gonna take sometime to dwell in my own lil world.

You see, i thought not having a daddy would make me stronger.

Being in a poor family would make me understand people suffering in 3rd world countries,

and i would treasure all i have, and learn how to use it wisely too.

But im burdening my family by taking art arent i?

Art materials aent cheap,

as well as developing lots of photos,

and getting a cmera too.

And i worry about things i shouldnt be worrying during diz age.

Im changing for the worse, im shutting the world out.

My heart dosent want to, but my mind does.

And yet, i feel lonely, insecure, unwanted.

You noe what?

I thought everything would make me stronger, better, smarter, but no, i was so wrong,

BCUZ ITS KILLING ME.

EVERYTHING.